- Sun Jul 09, 2023 9:10:49 pm
#81002
Sara, I was actually really worried ahead of time to see what you'd say during FTC, but I'm pleasantly surprised and it makes me super excited to talk to you again post-game!
You're absolutely right, a part of the social game is having players leave with a good memory of your relationship with them. I did have a great relationship with you. One of my favorite nights was when we chatted through all of UFC 289. I did really enjoy our relationship together, however we were unfortunately on opposite sides due to my relationships with Evvie and Shan. To add to how much our relationship meant to me, if you recall the night you left, I did make the mistake of telling you that you were in serious trouble. I still consider this to be one of my biggest mistakes in the game. I went behind the Stoner F3, the F5 including Deshawn and Shan, and the possible flipping alliance that included JR and Leslie. I had to be a little bit more quiet toward the end of the night when tribal was getting close as I couldn't let my emotions get in the way of my gameplay. Xander didn't vote for you and voted for Leslie, but yes, I did vote for you. I had to do it despite it being tough, and I knew I had to do it now as it was only going to get tougher the deeper I went in the game.
Regarding the idol talk, you're right. I didn't need to say I would play it for you and it's another reason why I was worried to hear from you during FTC. So many times I went with emotions rather than gameplay with you, and I think through building our relationship, I realized how we are so much alike, You feel like a brother in a way, and if you remember, I told you early on that it was obvious you were a dude haha. We just had such a solid connection and I felt like I could say things like that to you as if we were truly in a F2 because I, once again, let my emotions get in the way of gameplay. However, when it really counted, I did manage to vote you out in order to further my game.
Regarding the spat with Evvie, that was entirely real. I did mention it in my opening statement but I didn't want to dive into it too much and retract from the overall picture of the game. No one in my real life, aside from my wife and the best man at my wedding, know that I am bisexual. We spend hours and hours talking to people in this game, and the relationships become way more real than we'd like to admit. What happened was a true moment of panic and realization that something I've kept internal is going to be revealed, and I took it the wrong way. It didn't even need to happen like it did, and I let my anxiety get the best of me. This was a true moment of weakness and I thank you so much for being someone I could talk to during my lowest moment in the game. I will always remember Day 7 - Stranded in the Andes by name because of what happened, but I'm learning to love who I am and not worry about what the outside perception of myself is.
To end your questions, I would rather my game go with the term 'Dominant'. I understand why you would call it 'Imperious'. However, I don't feel that I assumed power without justification or arrogance. I truly worked hard every single day because I was constantly down on myself for my game. I felt my mistakes way more than all of you saw them. It's similar to how much you and Xander worried about the rule breaking screenshot when a lot of us didn't see the harm in it. We're always a lot harder on ourselves than the people around us, and I tried incredibly hard to get where I am in the game. I in no way feel I deserved to be in power, or believed that I should be in power. I put in the effort, the time, and the emotions into the game in order to be in the power position I was in. I never once thought that I would / could win this game until the F3.
I hope that answers everything, but please do provide some follow up response if you need clarification. Also, dude, the fights were absolutely incredible. I can't wait to share all my pictures with you. The fact I was live at the event people are calling the card of the year is insane! We will definitely catch-up post game, believe me!