[Jeff Probst]

This is Deshawn's Final Tribal Council Thread.

All other Jurors should remain in their own threads. 

Deshawn, you have until Sunday at 8c/9e to post your statements/questions to the Final 2. Remember not to take up too much of their time as they have 8 other jurors to get to. Please no listing or questions requiring novels for answers. You should post all of your statements/questions in your opening post in this thread, keeping follow-ups to a necessary minimum, or congratulatory thank you/nothing further.

[Deshawn]

***Not sure what happened with the rendering so let's try this again to make it a little more clear for everyone's sake. Sorry about that!***

Well guys, you’ve made it to final 2! Congrats, it's been a long road!

When I left I congratulated everyone on the move, and I meant it. It was absolutely the right move to make because let’s be honest here, I was probably winning against either one of you. So, I can’t fault the move and I can’t be angry. Doesn't mean I can't be hurt by the way it was done though. At the “it was always the plan” comment, at that unprompted and unnecessary whisper lying to me 2 minutes before I was getting booted, at the fact that "it was happening no matter what" and at the fact that the thing I spent 25 days fostering, supporting, and believing in was a con. It never existed for anyone but me. It had to be done but is this how it had to be done? Playing this game with everyone for 25 days was fantastic but getting manipulated on a personal level for 25 days is pretty devastating.

With that being said though, I think I’m going to shift the tone of how this final tribal is going to go for the two of you because I’m not mad and I’m not bitter and if that’s not a testament to the game I came to play, I don’t know what is. And in case someone is assuming that my vote is locked, it's not. It's 100% up for grabs. Just know that I’m not looking to get my ego stroked, I’m not looking for BS and I’m definitely not looking for excuses. We're past that now. We're at a point where a lot of stuff doesn't matter anymore. Revised history doesn't matter, smoke and mirrors don't matter and pretending doesn't matter. Your social game matters. Because you’ve made it to the end and there are no grey zones anymore. There’s nowhere left to hide. So, what I want from you is prove to me that you had the best social game.

Abe, from all of our conversations pre and post merge, I think I already know the answer but I want to know if you do. What was the one flaw in your game?

Xander, do your thing but make sure to answer this for me; how high are you at the time of answering this?  

 And guys, since we're apparently not getting a live final tribal to dig a little deeper and clarify some things, I have a quick follow up question for the sake of everyone on the jury. Like I said, it was a long game so I know details can be forgotten and memory can get a little foggy. So, going back to your opening statements; was there anything that maybe wasn't as factual as it should have been? Some history that has been accidently revised that you feel like you could clarify for us to help us make our decision?

And with that, may the best man win. Close it out and get that W. 

[Abraham]

Deshawn, my Canadian Connection brother.

First, I wanted to just mention that the vote for you that said "this was always the plan" was from me. You never asked me in whispers during tribal if you were going, but maybe you're thinking of Evvie. If you had asked me in that moment, I think I would have told you. You were absolutely the hardest vote I had to do because we had such a strong connection, and I definitely would have had a moment of weakness to tell you that you were going home. There were many a time I really considered going to F3 with you and Xander, but I knew you had such a flawless game that it would be stupid of me to take you to the end. You were both an incredible friend, but tough ally to beat. And in turn, I couldn't go as far as our F4 promise. If you recall this vote for you, I also ended saying 'love you dude', and I truly do love our friendship. The night I voted you out, the only thing I could think was, I hope Deshawn still wants to hang out in Quebec / Ottawa sometime once this is all said and done.

As for my one weakness, I don't think there was just one. There were a lot of weaknesses along the way that contributed to me leaving people unhappy and hurt by my actions. There were times I was extremely anxious and paranoid. There were moments where I couldn't just trust the people around me and had to ask more than once about the plan or our safety. Heather put it pretty well in her jury question - I was aggressive, manipulative, cutthroat, etc. I in no way played a perfect game, but I played extremely hard for the sake of getting to the end and getting the win. It might have been an easier win going the more under the radar route, but I didn't want to take any half-measures on my way to the top. I wanted to put all my strengths and weaknesses on display, and despite being out in the open as a huge threat, be at the end of the game and win.

For your follow-up, I don't believe I have any revised history about the events I wrote in my opening statement. I wrote my opening statement with half of my screen on my confessionals and the other on a notepad for a draft, going through each round and pulling out facts that I believed to be true. All of the images and quotes I used were historically accurate and how I felt at the time they were written / created, so I do apologize if there is anything that is factually incorrect.

Please let me know if you have follow-up as to any errors or revisionist history that I may be overlooking and I'll try my best to explain what happened.

[Xander]

Thank you for the questions but I want to acknowledge what you said about being deceived for 25 days. 

I doesn't take much to imagine how that hurts. It really was cruel to keep that facade up for 25 days and I'm sorry for the anguish it caused. But for us to say it was a hard decision would be lying as well. Abe Evvie and I always had you as the 4th in our head. We had ironed that out in the first few days of the game.

I think my social game was stronger than Abe's cause it had to be. Abe (and you for that matter) was a great challenge performer and I couldn't rely on immunity to keep me going each round. You and I worked together on the Heather and Sara thing in the early Ancha days, you know how cunning I can be. That's why  I was able to plant and water the seed of Abe Evvie and you being a final 3.

 Alot of my social game revolved around you. I used you as a sheild for my game. I did not reap the same consequences as you did for the decisions of our 4 person alliance. In fact I tried my best to pin them on you. 

I was threatened by you for multiple reasons. You were close with Abe and Evvie and were way less drama to them then I was. In the back of my mind I was always afraid they would take you instead of me. You are also the human embodiment of a golden retriever and would have won every single vote at FTC for how likable you are. I used that exact line to JR, Leslie, Abe, Evvie and Heather when talking about you being the biggest threat of the 3. 

And for your last question...

Dude I'm always stoned. I work in the weed industry it's like a requirement. 

 I'm pretty anxious as well and cannabis definitely helped me keep my cool during the game. But due to that I think it is very likely that I may have misremembered details and revised or interpreted history. If there is anything specifically you want me to clarify I'd be more than happy to. 

 

[Deshawn]

Thanks for the answers, guys. I appreciate both of you. I'd be lying if I said the decision wasn't VERY hard for me because I had a great relationship with the both of you and never experienced any of the "bad" stuff other people on the jury brought up. The LGBT stuff I can very much relate to on a personal level, Abe and that's why, like Heather, I kept that card very close to my chest and only ever told Xander.

A lot of the feelings of "revised" history I have is in regards to the idea of total control over the entire game. Did the alliance dominate the game, absolutely, but there was never total control. Abe, you and I made a F2 deal on night one, literally 2 hours into the game and agreed on a foursome including Evvie & Xander before Sara brought up the idea of a foursome with Xander on that same night. So the concept of you deciding to get closer to me on day 3 to try and make me your +1 isn't exactly accurate. I was down for F2 from that first night when we agreed that having the 2 canadian guys make it to the end would be great. Xander, same but with the "stoners stick together" night 1 convo we had, as well. So you both for sure capitalized on that and fostered that relationship once your plan was in place but the foundations were already there. But maybe I'm wrong and your other plan was already set up.

Abe, at the merge, you gotta admit that after the Erik vote, there was a lot of uncertainty going into the votes. Sara wasn't "the plan" until we couldn't get anything else to stick after going back and forth through all the possibilities all day. Heather happened at 8 after I kept insisting that you / me would FOR SURE go home if we tried to get rid of Leslie and I think the Shan vote had the most chance to be flipped because Evvie & I definitely weren't sold on it. 

That being said (cuz I wanna stop rambling), let me add a quick question to close it off;

Going all the way back to the second challenge, what would you say is the 1 sin that represents you best outside of this game?

[Abraham]

Hey Deshawn,

I agree that we did work a lot together on votes and the night Sara left, we did consider a lot of other names. The night Heather left however, is when I was trying to convince everyone to vote Shan for the sake of Xander, who was starting to lose trust in us for keeping her around longer and longer. That is why I ended up switching to Heather as it was the easiest option for everyone since she had just voted with JR the previous round and you and Evvie didn't like the idea of Shan leaving yet. You're right that the Shan vote had a chance to be flipped on, but who would the vote have been for instead of Shan? You were the other name written down that night as I had immunity, and Xander was considered to be a flip option still. I don't think there's revisionist history there, just different opinions on what we think went down.

As for the one sin that represents me best outside the game, I would have to say Envy. I'm not a confident person in real life. I have a lot of trouble seeing my own positive traits and in turn, always see the positive ones in other people. I wish I was as likable as you, or as smart as Shan/Evvie, or as cunning as JR. All of you on the jury seem like more put together people than myself and I envy that a lot. I tried my best in this game to take all the qualities I wish to see in myself - confidence, intelligence, social awareness, hard working - and live them the best I could. You obviously all saw through it as I was still just as anxious and paranoid that I wasn't good enough and that people didn't want me around. But I do hope that I can continue to turn my envious nature around and become more happy with the person I am. Hopefully this game has taught me that I do have more positive characteristics than I realized and that I shouldn't be so envious of others as I have many great traits that caused people like you, Xander, Sara, Evvie, Shan, etc. to take interest in me and want to form a relationship.

I hope that answers your question!

[Deshawn]

It did. Thanks for taking the time to do another round of answers. I appreciate it and I look forward to talking once all this is over. 

Congrats again on a long, well-fought game Abe. You definitely made my first ORG an experience to remember.

[Xander]

Great question Deshawn,

I would say the sin that represents me best outside the game would be Pride.

In Hebrew there is a personality trait they call Chutzpah. The closest definition in English is charismatic and audacious self confidence. I both strive for it and feel ashamed by it. I can be brazen and cocky. I was bullied for most of my life for many reasons and have learned to rebel against that with wit and confrontation. I think confidence is always an illusion that some of us can believe in more than others. I have to desperately believe in my own because i cant let myself feel powerless or a like a victim.



 

[Deshawn]

I respect that a lot, Xander. Thanks for your honesty and for taking the time to answer. 

Best of luck to the both of you!